While BDSM is rarely talked about it is more common than you think. Most people think of BDSM as whips, chains, leather clothing, and handcuffs, but it does not need to include any of these items as it is usually characterized as one partner taking control over another during sex.
For starters, the letters BDSM stand for Bondage, Discipline/Dominance, Submission, Sadism, and Masochism. Let’s dig into those terms a bit:
Bondage: restraining another person’s movement. Usually with items such as ropes, scarves, and handcuffs.
Dominance: having control (usually physically) over someone else.
Discipline: determining guidelines (rules and punishments) that are agreed upon by each person and when not followed, punishments are passed down.
Submission: resigning to the dominant partner’s commands.
Sadism and Masochism: gaining pleasure from administering pain or receiving pain.
Whatever you learned from movies, forget all that. Those are not realistic representations of a healthy BDSM relationship. As we stress in all of our blogs, the most important thing with BDSM is consent from both sides. We also feel the need to emphasize the importance of boundaries and safewords. Sometimes consent can change; therefore, the use of a safe word is extremely important so that each person can change their mind during the act. Don’t worry about how they do it in the movies, take your time, communicate openly, and remember BOTH parties need to enjoy it. BDSM is an exchange of power, not bolting into the room with whips and handcuffs without consent from your partner.
Many people who participate in BDSM perceive it as a way to release pent-up energy, act out any control fantasies, and test their partner’s trust. According to a recent study, nearly half of all women and more than 66% of men have fantasized about being dominated during sexual acts.
A few ways to get started… some beginner BDSM acts: light spanking, role-playing, costumes, blindfolds, and fuzzy handcuffs. Especially in the beginning, consider aftercare with your partner. Activities can include cuddling, bubble baths, and massaging each other. Think of this as a time to unwind and reflect on each other’s feelings towards the acts that just took place.
Go ahead, give it a try. You never know what you might like. Research has found that engaging in BDSM can reduce stress, improve your overall mood and mental wellness as well as increase intimacy between partners. So what are you waiting for! And remember, all you need is power and knowing who has it!
If you want to add some toys to your BDSM time, we recently added a wide variety of items to our store. Check them out!